I've been feeling a little demotivated and uninspired lately, which got me thinking about self-help. Maybe this is a good time to introduce you to the academic side of my work. In my dissertation, I delve into the analysis of motivational videos, TED talks, online courses on happiness, podcasts, and so much more. My focus has primarily been on what I like to call "scientific self-help." These are the media and texts that ground their advice in science, rather than relying on mystical, "secret" powers, à la Rhonda Byrne.
The Value of "Done" Lists
When we think of self-help, "to-do" lists immediately come to mind as one of its most popular techniques for boosting productivity. Yet, there are times when these lists, instead of propelling us forward, become a source of overwhelming pressure. In these cases, they might even have the opposite effect, contributing to our procrastination. I'm not suggesting we abandon them because they do serve a purpose, helping us track important tasks and avoid overlooking them. However, in addition to these "to-do" lists, I propose that we maintain a "done" list. This isn't just a list for ticking off tasks but a catalog of accomplishments, perhaps even including things we hadn't initially planned but achieved nonetheless.
"Done" lists allow us to gain perspective, to recgonize how much we've already accomplished on our journey. They act as reminders that we've been actively working towards our dreams, even though there's much more left to do. These lists can provide a brief motivation boost, though, like any online advice, their effects may be short-lived. So, we need to keep working on them.
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Emotions
Another common association with self-help is the relentless pursuit of positivity, especially in American context. But there is a fine line between staying genuinely positive and forcing it; between maintaining hope and obsessively focusing on smiling. This is sometimes described as "toxic positivity," and you can explore it further here.
Drowning ourselves in positive messages can feel out of touch with our true emotions. The true challenge lies in welcoming the full spectrum of feelings, including the dull, the mundane, the painful, the neutral, and even anger. As I write in one of my stories:
"No one taught you how to live with the pain, only how to numb it." (Voices of Nature)
Personally, I'm still learning this, especially in the context of dealing with toddler tantrums. It's a real struggle to accept anger, pain, and tears almost on a daily basis. Most of the times, we just want them to stop. Now I keep reminding myself that tears heal, and it's best to let them flow. I quote again from one of my stories:
"I believe your tears carry more than just salt; they contain a concoction of hormones and emotions that are beneficial to you and bring solace. So, I wonder why you fight them." (Voices of Nature)
We are still learning how to be human. How do we genuinely accept these emotions, and how can we express them in healthy ways? This is the question that continues to intrigue me.
As you can see, my work "secretly" contains some of my thoughts on personal development.
What's your experience with self-help? Would you like to learn more about my findings and insights?
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